As the space grows
As the space grows.
When I was 5,
I started school
I was excited for school
It gave me purpose and brought me joy
The dewy pink walls of valentines
The daring curiosity of a Halloween costume
The engaging teachers
My friends
My five year old friends
We would tell each other everything
Unguarded secrets
I would always want what's best for them
I always shared
Even my crayons
And so they did too
When I was 13,
The excitement turned to anticipation
Because I still had fun at school.
The stack of papers grew before my eye
I still had my friends
My fifth grade friends
We would hula hoop and hang on monkey bars during recess
But then Kira started wearing crop tops
And Adrianna started wearing hoops
Woah, they look different I thought
They never told me where they got their
“Fancies”
When I was 15,
The excitement withered away,
I no longer slept with jitters the night before
I dreaded getting up in the morning
And suddenly everyone changed
So I did too
I started wearing makeup
Not because I was insecure
But because everyone did
I started listening to different music
Not because I liked it
But because everyone else did
The space between me and my life started to grow
I didn’t know who to be
Do I stay in and study for a test?
Or ditch and go out with my friends?
Lingering thoughts
And distanced loyalties
Led me to a space in between realities
I was a bubble floating in the realm of uncertainty
Millions of paths to choose
And yet the space around me stood still
Waiting for me to make a move
But I can’t stand out or have a voice
because people will stare
I can’t let them see my fears
I can’t let them see my tears
STOP!
The thoughts are what create the space from you and society
The colors of the hallway turning from lime green to gray
The once pep in your step to the tragic walk to school
Are the thoughts manipulating you?
Can you see through to people
And let them know who you are?
Only then will
The bubble burst,
The path become one,
And the space disappear.